12.19.2007

Insatiable

I am tired....
I feel like I am running again,
Im scared to stay....
I long for a freedom that I truly do not want.
I yearn for a touch to reach my soul,
for sex to be more than fulfilling,
and a drug that wont let me come down.
I want more than life can offer.
I want everything
and I want to do nothing more than show up
and receive it.
I have a sickness
it eats away at me
causing me to be unhappy
no matter the circumstances.
I am insatiable.

5.20.2007

disappearing acts

Im leaving the forefront of life....

Im stepping back from everything and everyone

Im going to make one last trip and then Im going to erase them outta my life

Im going to start over, its going to be fresh.

Im so done...

Im struggling my old demons again-I cant win.

5.17.2007

I <3 South Park

So Im watching Season 11 online--Im soooo lovin it right now! Even tho the epi Im watching is Night of the Living Homeless, its pretty funny its a parody of Night of the Living Dead.

My grandmother has been calling like clockwork to get information...she's already spreading rumors about a bunch of mess and I just dont have time to deal with it. She's always spreading shit like the plague and then wonders why no one wants to pick up the phone.

::sigh:: I've just finished watching all of South park season 10 and the first half of season 11...now I have nothing to do...nothing to look forward to....cept, maybe, family guy! Oh yeah.

I sometimes feel like Al Gore where Im the only one who sees Manbearpig....my own reality...is it real? Does it matter that no one else sees it but me? How right or wrong could it be? Sometimes I wonder if I have let happiness slip thro my fingers because I refuse to believe certain things? I sometimes wonder, if Im even on the right track. I still have so much to do in life and I sometimes feel too tired to even care anymore....

5.02.2007

searching

So now I've managed to get myself into something that I dont really feel like dealing with....im tired and Im moving on....i need to clean out my phone.

Im starting to make moves that will help me get my shit together for good....I need to be on my own-I need to be away from it all....I need my own identity.....

I think I just made a huge withdrawl from the first bank of favors but hopefully there's enough in my account to cover the cost.....pray for me.

4.27.2007

I like him...but i think only time will tell if he is even worth the drama...i wont give in because even if it is excellent, I am too tired to play the game and SHE is mad at me for putting her away anyhow, now that she's vexed she's letting me feel thro this on my own, hopefully she'll come back in time before i get myself killed. She please come back to me....